What has happened to our view of sex? Check out this 3 minute video about the one flesh union that God meant for us to take part in the divine trinity!

The one flesh union. How have we made sex out to be?

Article from the Catholic News Agency, “Despite controversy in NYC, pro-life billboards coming to Chicago“

I came across this article on the Catholic News Agency website. The author makes some great points.

“Hot” seems to have become the most common adjective men and women use to describe the visual pleasure factor of each other.

I find the term “hot” to be degrading and inappropriate. Even more disturbing than the word itself is the tone and look of people as they say the word. If not lustful in motive, definitely leaning toward it. What else could it be but a form of lust to use this term? The term has to do with describing the body of a person and how much it pleases you to look at it. That’s pretty much in the “lust” department. It’s certainly not in the “love” department.

In fact, the dictionary would agree with me about the modern definition of hot:

Slang.
a. sexually aroused; lustful.
b. sexy; attractive.

I say let’s stop doing this. It’s very unbecoming, if not degrading. And especially for Christians, more is expected of us. Did you not think I was talking about Christians as well? Unfortunately, I am. It is amazing to me the amount of professed Catholics who use this term quite freely and comfortably. It goes to show just how easy it is to be lured into the trends of secular society.

But we should be leaders and examples. There is nothing “Catholic” about describing a woman or a man as “hot.” What’s more, this kind of talk contributes to idealization and objectification. You condition yourself to want the ideal looking body that will be the object of your pleasure.

Now counter this approach with a desire to get to know the unique person of an individual who maybe has a great smile, a nice laugh, a pretty or cute face, enjoyable to be around, and is very healthy looking in body. The person has a deep love of the faith as you do, is very interesting and easy to talk to, and an overall delightful person.

However, this person is not what you could call “hot.” Why? Because “hot” has only to do with the body and the looks. This person described above is average looking.

Average. The use of this term to describe the looks of a person has, unfortunately, a negative connotation. But it should not. Most people in the world are average looking. Did you know that? Most people are not “hot.” That’s why there is so much excitement for the “hot” people. They are “hot” because they have above-average looks as defined by society and as we have been conditioned to think by the media through films, television, magazines, advertising, etc.

So we look for the “hot” among us. And to what end? Is this really the main criteria for love? For what will make a person a good mother/father or spouse; in finding a suitable partner for marriage? Is this what we are looking for? A photograph? An image? A dream?

In the meantime, the average looking among us who are the bulk of the opportunities for love and marriage are scrutinized, second-guessed, even passed over. They are nice, and they are great people, but they do not satisfy.

And there is the lie. That a hotter looking person will satisfy, rather than “settling” for an attractive person. Perhaps if your goal is sexual pleasure, then a “hot” person is the home run. That’s another deception, because at the heart of wanting a “hot” person is the pleasure of the sense of sight. Non-”hot” people are just as capable of satisfying sexually as anyone else.

Pleasure of the eyes has been made the highest priority. And this is excused as being “chemistry,” as if visual pleasure is the submit of attraction.

Does this mean “average” means unattractive? Not at all, as I have already pointed out. Average means that they are pretty or handsome, and typically their looks vary in all kinds of unique and interesting ways. They are not the cookie-cutter looks that make for the society-defined “hot” looking woman or man.

Have you noticed how many average looking guys want “hot” girls? The average girls (again, these are girls who are pretty, attractive women who are NOT magazine images) are frustrated because no matter how beautiful they are, they cannot control that they are not “hot.” Thus, they are not the ideal, nor can they satisfy as the object of visual pleasure.

This, of course, is absolutely ridiculous. Men and women who live in this world of searching for the “hot” among us have to snap out of it and get out of the fog. You are missing the whole point of love and marriage. Average is good, not bad. Average is normal, every day life.

Average is what is around you. And average is beautiful, enjoyable, satisfying, and fulfilling. People of good character, strong faith, great sense of humor and pleasing demeanor are all around you and make for the stuff of true love and marriage. Someone who will be a close friend, a good companion, and who loves you and is easy to love makes for what is real and lasting when it comes to chemistry and attraction.

So I say that average is the new hot! Keep reminding yourself of this. Average is the new hot. Pursue the person. Seek first the person you connect with, and allow all else to fall into place. Looks don’t last. But the love of the person does.

If you find a person that has all the important qualities AND ends up being above average looking as well, then that’s just icing on the cake. But please, never refer to them as “hot.” It’s degrading. Show more respect. Be classy. Just tell her she is beautiful, ravishing, gorgeous, lovely, and many other adjectives of respect and admiration.

“Hot” implies you want that body. Is that really who you are? We should never desire the pleasure of a body without full inclusion of the person.

* Anthony Buono, married with seven children, lives in Virginia. He is the founder and president of www.avemariasingles.comand www.roadtocana.com.  He also has a blog, www.6stonejars.com, that gives advice to Catholics on dating, courtship and marriage.

Friends,

Recently I have been going through a lot of stuff. Life after college has been filled with lots of joy, new friendships, and immense blessings from the Lord. However, it has also been laced with uncertainty.

What am I doing next year? Am I really supposed to be working full time in ministry? Etc…

Good thing this is where the Lord wants me right now. I really believe that God has a plan and where you are right now is where the Lord wants you to be. You may think you’ve made mistakes, and you probably have since nobody is perfect, but that’s not to say we can’t learn from these mistakes. Sometimes I feel like I can’t do anything. I feel like I am not really fulfilling that great of a need for the Kingdom or for humanity in general. I feel weak and alone. Well, here’s the good news.

In chapter 12 of Paul’s second letter to the Corinthians, the Lord is quoted as saying “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness.” I will rather boast most gladly of my weakness, in order that the power of Christ may dwell with me. Therefore, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hard ships, persecutions, and constraints, for the sake of Christ; for when I am weak, then I am strong.”

PEOPLE! THIS IS GREAT NEWS! The Lord wants us in the condition we are in! He doesn’t want us to get our act together, get everything in line, and then come to Him as if that’s some sort of gift we are worthy of giving Him. He wants to HELP US get everything together. He wants to work with our weaknesses and insecurities and make us strong, in Him.

Think about the apostles. They were just ordinary guys. Sometimes, they did some really stupid stuff and didn’t seem to get the message Jesus was trying to tell them, but like Peter who denied Jesus three times, Christ will work with our weaknesses. Look at what Jesus did to Peter. He made him the rock on which the Catholic Church was built. WHAT!

The Lord can use you. All you have to do is to be open to Him.

If today you hear his voice, harden not your hearts. The Lord is standing at the door, knocking…